Show Notes
In this very special holiday episode of the RPGBOT.Podcast, Randall DMs a light-hearted holiday one-shot for Random and Tyler. Join us as we travel to the wintery wonderland of the Feywild on a quest to ask a guy named Klaus why he’s spying on us.
Transcript
Randall
Welcome to the RPGBOT.oneshot. I’m Randall James, your dungeon master and with me is Georg played by Tyler Kamstra
Tyler
Hi everybody, I’m replaying Georg my fourth level of Dragonborn Battle Master Fighter.
Randall
All right, and we have Amiable Jack played by Random Powell.
Random
Good evening. Yes. Once again, I am a Satyr Bard. I’ll be honest, I forgot what college I am. Oh, eloquence. There we go. Talking good. You can tell because I’m doing that.
Randall
Yeah. No, it’s It’s brilliant. It’s great. Yeah, so we’re going to do an actual play one shot tonight and we’re gonna hop right into it. For folks who maybe didn’t listen last time or it’s been a while since they’ve heard it. We did a Halloween one shot with these characters where they’re adopted father, because they’re orphaned brothers. That’s important. Maybe. Their adopted father had died and sent them on a journey to rescue his most prized possession. And it turned out that they were more or less sent to the Village of the Damned in the middle of nowhere. And they saved a bunch of children from the blood war, the eternal battle between demons and devils. And in so doing, they found themselves with a bunch of kids that needed homes and parents and them being orphans themselves, they did have some sympathy. Luckily, there was kind of a maternal figure already embedded within the group. Celia. Celia was the woman that they interacted with. A young woman they interacted with. And so they find themselves on the eve of the winter solstice in their home with these orphans in tow. Celia, Jack, and Georg are sitting by the fire as the snow falls outside the window. All the kids are in bed for the night in honor of the marish tradition. Some say that if you are extra kind, extra helpful on the eve of the winter solstice, that a jolly wise giant will visit you in your sleep and leave treats and toys. The orphans rescued from Port Averna were unfamiliar with this tradition but adapted easily. As Thomas put it: “We’ve seen weirder.”
Random
Wonderful
Randall
Before bed, Georg and Jack dressed in their adventuring gear to put on a show for the orphans about the great battle for the sun to celebrate the winter solstice, a tradition that dates back to their own youth, when Malikai needed to convince his own sons to go to sleep. Even as adults, you continue the tradition, sometimes hopping into the act alongside Malikai with no one left in the audience to admire the silliness. There was a bit of melancholy this year, performing for the first time without your father. So now you find yourself sitting around a fire with Celia.
Tyler
Well, that was weird. I haven’t done that in a while.
Random
I have to say. I certainly appreciate having a competent set of arms while I do some narration so I’d say you did good. Thank you.
Celia
No, I um… I I found I found the whole event… wonderous? Wondrous. I’m going to use the word wondrous. I thought it was fine.
Random
It grows on you. The more time you spend here I think you’ll become both accustomed to and come to enjoy it. It definitely took us a while but Malachi was a character.
Tyler
I think it gets just a little weirder every year. So you know, good introduction this year. Next year expected to be a little weirder. It’s going to be great.
Celia
Oh, yeah. Oh, well, that that sounds quite special than I’m not trying not to change the subject. But to change the subject quickly. I bought you gifts for the Solstice.
Random
Oh! Thank you.
Celia
Celia approaches each of you and makes a big show pulling out just this giant box and dumping it into the lap of Georg, and then reaches into our cote pocket and pulls out the smallest box like smaller than a tiny purse, then flicks it over to Jack.
Random
Thank you. This is unexpected.
Celia
Open them, open them!
Tyler
I’m already halfway through opening mine. I wasn’t listening.
Randall
Okay, good.
Random
Perfect.
Randall
Okay, so get over fines inside the box, a pair of winged boots that are exactly Georg sighs
Tyler
That explains what she was measuring my feet in my sleep.
Random
Not just weird Port Averna tradition, apparently.
Celia
I didn’t I didn’t think you’d notice. But I had no idea how to get them.
Tyler
You could have measured my boots
Celia
What would have been the fun in that?
Tyler
Yeah. Okay.
Random
I think you’re gonna fit into this family very well.
Randall
And then, Jack, have you opened your present yet?
Random
Yeah, that I’ll undo the box a bit. peek inside,
Randall
You see something that you’ve seen many, many times before. It is a deck of illusions.
Random
Oh, all right.
Randall
But as you look harder you realize it is not just any deck of illusions. It is a holiday deck of illusions.
Random
Excellent.
Tyler
Wonderful.
Randall
And just to give a bit of flavor, so I’ve got, I’ve got a table over here. Everybody loves tables. I’m gonna keep the table my back pocket. But to give you an idea of what’s there a couple of things: an animated knit sweater and a snow column with a sweet top hat.
Random
If I can’t use him to sled down hills at like 60 feet per round, I’m going to consider myself ripped off.
Randall
Why did you give me the stupid present? And so yeah, you you’ve been given this these gifts, Celia sits down and starts to sip her brandy issues wont to do, especially this late at night?
Random
14 year olds. Brandy. Alright, good.
Randall
It’s yeah, it’s fine. It’s great. It’s the holidays, what are you going to do?
Random
It’s the holidays.
Randall
All of a sudden sylius sits up.
Celia
What is that? Pointing at Amiable Jack’s chest. What is that?
Random
And I’ll kind of tug unconsciously at the leather thong or that is tucked down into my shirt. I’m surprised you noticed this i i haven’t thought about it in a while. And I’ll pull it out and you see on the end like where a pendant would be a chunk of bone. Clearly bone, but not really anything like… it’s it’s like cut into a cube basically and then strung through this leather. And on it there’s a rune and I’ll sort of play with it a little bit and I’ll say that’s a good eye you’ve got. I couldn’t really tell you what it is. I know that I was wearing it when I was found and I know that it says “Jack.” can’t tell you how I know that, but that’s why I… That’s why I always took this name.
Randall
So she she approaches you and leans in as if she’s going to touch it. Do you allow her to touch it?
Random
I will poorly conceal a start to shrink back and then stop.
Randall
Okay, so you do let her touch it.
Random
I do.
Randall
And so you do. After like just a moment basically makes contact with it and then she pops back and she says
Celia
they’re they’re spying on us.
Randall
She looks each of you in the eye one by one.
Celia
They’re watching us.
Randall
And just as you’re trying to comprehend what Celia is saying to you, to each of you, it feels like Celia’s face is receding. In fact, the entire room is receding around you and suddenly you feel cold. As the world takes shape, you are struck by vertigo and all you find yourself in a forest. It is nighttime, the moon hangs brightly in an impossible crescent almost reaching point to point touching. The woods that surround you are full of evergreens. The canopy sits high with clear visibility to the sky, to the starry night sky and through the forest around you. The forest feels as if it’s lit by daylight. You notice flowers growing out of the evergreens surrounding you. Each of them is light blue with petals of violet shaped like the crescent moon above
Tyler
That is a very strangely shaped flower.
Randall
Good eye. I’m gonna have each of you roll an Arcana check. Random, you can roll with advantage.
Random
All right, let’s see how this goes.
Tyler
16 somehow. How?
Randall
No, that’s not terrible.
Random
That’s that beats my 14.
Randall
Okay, good. Good. So somehow, Georg, you to figure it out. You do not believe that you are on the prime material plane. In fact, you believe that you have found your way into the Feywild.
Tyler
Well, Jack… You know, the whole the fairy place thing. The fairy… land?
Random
I’m just gonna casually point at my lower legs. Yes?
Tyler
I just think it’s neat.
Randall
Good. Also, uh, choose a survival or nature. But make me a survival or a nature check.
Random
I will do you survival.
Tyler
I’m equally bad. Oh, wait, no, I’m… okay, fine.
Randall
I’m bad. All these things. But I’m worse than one.
Tyler
8.
Random
10.
Randall
Okay, well, you notice that the air isn’t that cold and you think that you’re going to be fine in your current clothing.
Tyler
Oh, yeah. Okay, I assume we’re just wearing like pajamas or whatever.
Randall
No, luckily, almost as if somebody had the forethought for it. You were dressed in your adventuring gear for the show that you put on.
Tyler
Oh, cool.
Randall
Yeah.
Tyler
All right.
Randall
It’s almost like I didn’t want to deal with that plot hole.
Random
Thanks.
Tyler
Alright, I put on I put my Solstice cap on top of my full plate helmet. And, I don’t know if you know what a solstice cap looks like, but it’s got a white fuzzy brim, and it’s kind of red and conical. And then there’s a white poof ball on the end.
Randall
I’ve seen that.
Random
Perfect.
Tyler
And I think that’s pretty novel. Because there’s no real ,there’s no real world hat like that.
Randall
No, I think you’ve you’ve created something wonderful and I think we should all wear them.
Random
I’ll just try and… I mean, I I know that Derrick has told me that we’re in the Feywild. But I’ll try and just gather my senses. See, like, where we are. Is there anything that immediately makes sense? That’s maybe a place where I can find out what the heck just happened.
Randall
Yeah, so, so something you do notice as you’re still gathering your wits about you. The snow is actually fairly high, but you’re in a, almost like a trough. Like you’re you’re in a valley in the snow that is a little bit wider than your own person. And as you look harder you don’t notice, let’s say, any footprints or anything like this.
Tyler
Okay.
Randall
I’ll also for for those playing at home. I know. So I know Jack has a passive perception of what like a 17?
Random
15 but yeah.
Randall
15. Okay, yeah, he notices these things. That’s fine.
Tyler
Okay, so we’re we’re in a low area and the snow snows piled up around us, but there’s no footprints, which means…
Randall
But it’s it’s clearly like a path.
Tyler
Yeah, but it snowed since the last group of people came through most likely.
Randall
Yeah, maybe.
Tyler
I conveniently have these cool boots that let me fly. So I could just like pop up and look around.
Randall
Okay, I’m into that.
Tyler
Now, Georg, having never flown before. Randall. How do these boots of flight carry me aloft? Is it a, like, I stand up right and just kind of like move upright situation?
Random
Please say they drag you buy ankles.
Tyler
I’ll accept it. Yeah, I’m, like, just upside down.
Randall
I forget what movie it is. But there’s some movie, I’m pretty sure it’s, like, Pauly Shore hanging upside down by boots in a doorway trying to do like inverted situp, but he can’t. That’s what you look like.
Tyler
Perfect.
Randall
Okay, so the boots obey the command. They go up. You’re… you know, the world is inverted. Other than that, I think things are fine. Let’s say you go 10 foot up. 20 foot up. 30 foot up. You see along the path that you are eyeing something that you have never seen before. You see what you can only imagine to be the largest snail that has ever existed.
Tyler
Well, that’s definitely not what I was expecting you to say.
Randall
And unfortunately for that snail, there appears to be some creature attacking it.
Tyler
Well, what’s what does the creature attacking it look like?
Randall
So you look. It’s cat-like, but it’s quite large. It’s has sleek. Solid. You can’t quite place it. Is it like a black fur or like a bluish fur? It’s almost if it’s like scintillating in front of you. It’s hard to really hard to pin down.
Tyler
Okay. Is Celia with us?
Randall
No.
Tyler
Oh, okay, good. We didn’t drag a we didn’t drag a literal child to the Feywild by accident. Okay, that’s good.
Random
No, no, that’s the Feywild’s job.
Tyler
All right. I’ll, I’ll flying boot back down to Jack and just hang upside down at eye level. There’s a snail fighting a giant cat over there. You want to go check it out?
Random
Uh, yeah, I mean, from what I do know about the Feywild, there’s probably some metaphorical shenanigans that would happen in our world if we let this play out a certain way. So let’s see if we can intervene. Trot, trot trot trot.
Randall
Okay. All right, you run over. And well, folks, let’s do it. Let’s roll for initiative.
Random
Ooh, finally a decent number. 17.
Randall
All right.
Tyler
I’m rocking an 9.
Randall
Whoo! That’s, uh…
Tyler
that’s less good.
Randall
It is more bad.
Random
I really enjoy that. You got a cursed winged boots that like will make you pass out after five minutes of use.
Tyler
That’s fine.
Randall
Well, she got them on a discount so…
Tyler
Well, so I have to use it in one minute increments. So I have to land.
Randall
And then pop back up.
Tyler
Yeah.
Randall
Okay.
Tyler
Boy, the vertigo.
Randall
Jack, you are up first. And so you see, let me now that you’re closer to the creature and you see it. You stop you come like through the trees. And finally you can see it about 20 foot away.
Random
Okay.
Randall
All the description I gave still stands. The other thing you notice, which is quite monsters is that there are these weird tentacles coming out of the shoulder of the creature. And it’s actually that which is attacking the snail which is, and you hear this just clack clack clack. You also notice that the snail has retracted into its shell. And so you can’t quite see any of the soft body of the snail.
Random
Okay,
Tyler
So it’s just like beating on the shell?
Randall
Yes.
Tyler
And how is that working out for it?
Randall
Let me check. Well, it appears snails can’t speak so snails can’t scream.
Tyler
That checks out.
Random
Nailed it. Or, perhaps, snailed it.
Randall
Disadvantage on next roll.
Random
It’s funny you mentioned that, because why would I roll?
Tyler
The suspence is killing me.
Randall
Yeah, I mean, some people would argue it’s a critical part of the tabletop experience. But…
Random
I’m going to… as I’m running over, am I within 60 feet of this tentacle cat?
Randall
Yes, you are. You’re 20 feet away.
Random
Oh, that’s closer than I would like to be. Alright then. I will back up a bit. Back up 10 feet or 20 feet.
Randall
That’s fair.
Random
And as I’m backing up, rather than drawing a weapon, I’m going to draw my Doss Lute.
Randall
Okay, good.
Random
That’s the name of the item. Man. I don’t make this up. And I’m going to pluck a little melody, as I say, “Now now. Be in a cage.” And I’m going to cast phantasmal force at the cat. So the Doss Loot, since I am using it as part of the verbal or somatic components to cast a… oh, that’s only for charm. Well, it still sounds neat. Anyway, basically, I’m going to ask it for an intelligence save.
Tyler
Nice.
Randall
And so to do an intelligent save, I’m going to roll and then use my modifier. Okay, that’s not bad. 14.
Random
That is unfortunately, the DC for this.
Randall
Okay.
Random
So I think at that point,
Randall
is it half-caged?
Random
Let’s see. So I create an illusion… why did I use this one.
Tyler
What a great question.
Random
On a failed save, blah. So, yeah, like it sees like a cage shimmer into place around it for a second. And then when it realizes, Hey, that’s not real, then the illusion dissipates.
Randall
Nothing happens. And that’s, that’s what I’m hearing. Okay.
Random
Yes, nothing happens.
Randall
Cool. Cool. Cool. And just to nail it down. So the phantasmal force, the idea of it is that you you bring this illusion to life. And then not only does, whatever, not only does the creature have to honor the illusion, but you can also use natural mechanisms of the illusion to deal psychic damage to the creature. Right?
Random
Correct. Yeah. So basically, I was going to craft a cage, and then if it proved that it was going to be resistant to negotiation, then I was going to say, “ah, that’s weird. This metal cage is suddenly getting hot.” And it was just going to take psychic damage every turn.
Randall
Yeah, that sounds… Yeah. That sounds terrible. And also effective. Unfortunately, this cat is smarter than it looks. Okay. Uh, Georg, what are you gonna do?
Tyler
Has it noticed us yet?
Random
It certainly noticed me.
Randall
Yeah.
Tyler
Let me rephrase. Would you describe it as “surprised”?
Randall
No, it isn’t.
Tyler
That’s fine. I’m gonna throw net anyway.
Randall
That’s fair.
Tyler
Yes. So he said, we’re about 20 feet away. So I’ll walk like five feet closer and then throw a net at it. I’m gonna have disadvantage no matter what. I might as well go long. Oh, that went… Well, it’s 17 on the first die and nine on the second. So that’s probably not going to go great. Let’s see. So plus three, so 12. That’s almost certainly not going to do it. So I’m going to use one of my combat maneuvers. I’m going to use precision…
Randall
Of which he knows many.
Tyler
of which I know many! I’m going to use precision attack and I’m going to roll a d8 and add that to my attack. Okay, seven. Nice. So 19 to hit.
Randall
That will hit.
Tyler
Cool. The cat is now restrained.
Randall
Oof. Okay, so you have tossed a new and restrained to the cat?
Tyler
Yes.
Randall
Okay. What does– Oh, go ahead.
Tyler
Then I’ll pull out a hammer and walk up next to it.
Randall
Yes, I’m imagining it exactly like that, that you literally just hammer comes out slow stroll. Okay, cool. So it is now the cat’s turn. And I think, given the players that we have here, I think that they have figured out they are facing a displcer beast.
Tyler
Yes.
Random
Indeed.
Randall
I’m seeing nods. Yeah, okay. All right. So, luckily you were already rolling with disadvantage. So how does my cats become not restrained?
Tyler
Well, let me double check. Okay, a large or smaller creature hit by a net is restrained until it is freed. A net has no effect on creatures that are formless or creatures that are huge or larger. A creature can use its action to make a DC 10 strength check, freeing itself or another creature within its reach on the success, dealing five slashing damage to the net, which has AC 10, also frees the creature without harming it, ending the effect and destroying the net. So basically, it has to waste its turn.
Randall
Okay, well, let’s see how that goes. He is not going to attack the net. He’s simply going to try to free himself. Alright? And a 13 meets the check?
Tyler
Yes.
Randall
Okay. So, out of the net. And also very angry to be near you.
Tyler
That feels right.
Randall
Jack, it’s back to you.
Random
Superb. Given that he seems to be unwilling to participate in my shenanigans. I’m going to strum a little quick, like, won’t want and say, “Wow, you just spent your whole thing getting rid of a four silver net. I’m so proud of you.” And I’m going to ask him for wisdom save.
Randall
Alright. Doo doo doo doo doo. I don’t think he’s wise. How does an 8… How does an 8 do?
Random
You know, that’s not a 14.
Randall
Okay.
Random
So, step one, is you’re going to take the three psychic damage.
Randall
Okay, now this display series has avoidance. So it’s subjected to an effect that allows you to make a saving throw, it takes only half damage, and no damage on success.
Random
Really?
Randall
Yeah.
Random
Does that cover every save? Is that how it works?
Randall
I’m going to show you text.
Random
Okay. I mean, if that’s the way it works, subjected to an effect allows it… Okay, so this was not an effect that allows it to make a save for half.
Randall
Oh, okay.
Random
Basically this is to cover for previous editions evasion, which I think has also made it into fifth edition.
Tyler
Sure has.
Random
Just just differently than…
Randall
okay,
Random
No longer a core rule.
Randall
It wouldn’t have taken half damage had it succeeded, it actually would have taken no damage.
Random
Correct. And so it does not get to evasion Vicious mockery, which is what has happened to it. Okay, and so it will then also have disadvantage on the next attack roll it makes before the end of its next turn.
Randall
All right, so three damage you said.
Random
Three damage. Three psychic damage, and please don’t mess up my brother.
Tyler
He did ask nicely.
Randall
He did. I heard it. I saw it. Alright, Georg. What are you gonna do? It has shed your net.
Tyler
Okay, it has shed my net. I think, yeah, I think I’m just gonna hit it with a hammer. That feels right. Alright, so I assume I’m taking disadvantage because displacer based?
Randall
Correct. Correct.
Tyler
17 on first roll 19 On the second okay, so…
Randall
That hits!
Tyler
Yes. 21 total. Cool. All right, and a d8 plus some damage. 4?
Randall
Oh!
Tyler
Just, just 4.
Random
Do you not have an 18 strength?
Tyler
I do not.
Random
Why?
Tyler
Cuz I took a feat.
Random
Okay.
Randall
Opportunity cost.
Tyler
Yeah.
Randall
Okay. All right. It is now the beast turn and the Beast has just been hit by a hammer after being smothered by net. Super not into it. And so one of the tentacles is going to attack Georg.
Tyler
I feel like I deserve that.
Random
As a reminder roll that a disadvantage because of the cantrip I hit it with.
Randall
Okay, well I’m gonna guess that an 11 does not hit.
Tyler
No.
Randall
no need for the second roll then. But then a second tentacle comes at Georg! Does a 21 hit?
Tyler
Ah, just barely. Yes.
Randall
Okay. Just barely. Wow.
Random
Fighter things.
Tyler
Yeah.
Randall
You will take eight bludgeoning damage plus one piercing damage.
Tyler
Okay, nine damage.
Randall
Cool. All right. Because, you know, tentacle. Like, it hits you but it’s also got the pokey bits and it makes sense. There’s logic there. Okay, Jack it’s your turn.
Random
I will continue strumming and say “Wow, you’re so good at being in two places. You got hit by a hammer in both of them” and ask it for wisdom save.
Randall
Okay, well, he’s he’s catching on your shenanigans. I 19
Random
That’s gonna do it. That’s a lot. Okay, I will move around try and get it to, like, I want to still be able to see both, you know, he and… both the cat and Georg. But then I also want to get a little bit closer to like, where the snail might have a head.
Randall
Okay, that sounds good.
Random
And that’ll be me.
Randall
Okay. Georg?
Tyler
All right, I’m gonna keep beating on this thing. And if… if I can hit it. I might Oh, actually, you know what? Hey, let’s let’s try out my breath weapon. I’ve got the the cool new Fizban’s Dragonborn breath weapon. Let’s give that a shot. Okay, so I breathe a 30 foot line of cold which… I know it’s snowy. Can I get a dexterity sa,e, please?
Randall
Yes.
Random
I love that we just talked about how this thing has evasion and you’re subjecting it to an AoE.
Tyler
I’m vaguely regretting my life choices, but I really wanted to try this anyway.
Random
I don’t blame you.
Randall
Okay, you said that was a Dex, Right?
Tyler
Yes.
Randall
Okay, so 17.
Tyler
Oh! Well, I’ll just put this die down. Your turn.
Randall
That’s fair. Okay.
Tyler
It does do half damage, but we did establish that it takes no damage on a successful save, but here. It’s fine. I rolled a 1.
Randall
Okay. I’m glad you got that out of the way. Okay. Uh, all right. Well, you know it, you love it. A tentacle in the face! And… a 13.
Tyler
No.
Randall
Okay. A second technical also to the face. A 19.
Tyler
Nope.
Randall
All right. Okay, Jack it is your turn.
Random
Unstoppable rolling, etc. Do I want to…? Let’s see, five and then… seven or 7d8? That would that ever reach out to 7d8 is… so two would be 9. 27. So, like, 30? 30, 31-ish. Eh, we’ll wait on that. Oh, actually. So…
Randall
You’re gonna hang on to that elixir, just in case?
Random
Here’s, here’s a question. So it’s, you know, it’s taken a couple of our attacks. Does it look like it’s, well, I know it’s hard to get a read on but does it look like it’s feeling that hammer? Feeling that that mind bite?
Randall
It looks like it’s having fun in both places. Oh, great. All right.
Random
Well, then, yeah, we’re. We’re gonna go ahead and just keep mocking him. “Boy, my dumb brother hold still for you. And you still can’t hit him. Get it together.” Wisdom some save, please.
Randall
Right, uh… 15 .
Random
That’s good enough.
Randall
Okay. I wish it could talk back to you.
Random
And as I’m done with that all kind of, like, leanedown and whisper into the snail’s shell. Hey, are you? You alright?
Randall
It says nothing back. Okay. Roll me a nature check actually real quick.
Random
I will… hm… Oh, 19!
Tyler
Nice.
Randall
In your experience, you’ve never had a snail talk to you. You suddenly feel silly.
Random
This is the Feywild, man! Caterpillars talk! No, wait, that’s Alice in Wonderland
Tyler
We’re fighting a blurry cat!
Randall
Yeah, that doesn’t feel like real life to you? Anyway. Okay. All right. Yeah, Georg it is your turn. There’s a cat. Some here, some there.
Tyler
All right. Yeah, I’m I’m gonna hammer it again. 18 and 16. So it’ll be a total of 20
Randall
That will hit
Tyler
Cool. d8. 9 damage. Okay. Rolls are going surprisingly well today.
Random
Right?
Randall
Yeah, we’re doing great I think okay, awesome. All right now it is the displacer beast’s return. The Displacer Beast has had enough attempting to tentacle Georg, having had what basically is no success and is going to run and attempt to attack Amiable Jack.
Tyler
No, stop, don’t?
Randall
Okay. So I think…
Tyler
Can I have an opportunity to act as runs away from me?
Randall
Absolutely, you can.
Tyler
cool and I imagine this one will still be a disadvantage. Well, I started with a 3, so I’m just gonna call it there.
Randall
Okay. That went worse for you than I thought that it would. And now Jack, you find yourself with a a large cat. A little here, a little there. And… ooh, good roll. Does a 9 hit you?
Random
No, it astonishingly doesn’t.
Randall
Okay. Once again reaches around with another tentacle. Does a 16 hit you?
Random
That one will connect.
Randall
Okay. All right. Let’s roll. All right, you’ll take six bludgeoning damage and two piercing damage.
Random
I sure will. For a total of eight. Damage tracked.
Randall
And Jack, it is back to you. There is a cat in your metaphorical face.
Random
There is a cat in my character’s literal face. So I am suddenly much less okay with this. This time as you hear the the lute strum it feels just a little richer. It feels like it’s almost like honey in his words, as he says, “no, no, no. You’re standing on a forever pit.” So I’m going to use Cutting Words as a bonus action to use one of my inspirations. You roll a d6 and subtract it from the next save you make.
Randall
5.
Random
Ooh, great. So, subtract five from an intelligence save please.
Randall
Okay. Okay, great news. Great news. I’ll go until you the intelligence modifier is a -2.
Random
Uh huh.
Randall
I rolled a 1.
Tyler
Oh! Wow!
Randall
And then minus five, minus six, something like this. Okay.
Random
Yeah, it sure does. I mean, I think that wraps around and just kills it it outright.
Tyler
Integer overflow!
Random
Okay. Yeah, the short answer is, uh, he is going to believe that he is encased in a… it can only affect a 10 foot cube, but he’s gonna believe that he is encased in a 10 foot cube basically, like, hand reached up from the ground and like, pulled him into the earth and he’s now trapped in the earth and being crushed by it. So it says it because there’s a ton of text for this spell. I’m not going to try and read the whole thing.
Randall
You haven’t explicitly said What spell you’re casting. I assume this is, again…
Random
Sorry, it’s the same one. Yeah, phantasmal force. The phantasm includes sound temperature and other stimuli also only evident to the creature. Basically, it treats the phantasm as if it were real, it real it rationalizes any illogical outcomes are interacting with the phantasm. For example, a creature attempting to walk onto a phantasmal bridge that spans a chasm falls once it steps onto the bridge. If it survive, the fall it still believes the bridge is there and just, like, it messed up and stepped wrong or something. Yes.
Randall
Okay. I do want to stop for a second. I love this spell because I’m reading it and it it reads as if, as the DM I really should honor this effective grapple that you have imagined.
Random
That’s what I’m hoping and you would therefore say yes, restrained and I’m going to casually back away.
Randall
Okay. Yeah, I know. I’m gonna take it we’re going to do we’re going to do this later on. I’m going to look this up to see if anybody smarter than I am has, uh, has ruled on this. But yeah, it reads is it basically the creature is supposed to completely interpret what you’ve described as real. What you have described feels in bounds of the spell. So let’s party on.
Random
Awesome.
Randall
Do I take the 1d6 psychic damage this turn? Or does that start on my turn?
Random
That’s a great question.
Randall
Each round on your turn.
Random
On my turn, so it’s going to take 2. 2 points of psychic damage. As it, you know, the illusory fist squeezes and yeah, then I will back away and say, Alright, Georg it’s confused. Go.
Tyler
Do I hit it? Do?
Random
I certainly hope so.
Tyler
I feel like we should have talked about this one beforehand. I’m just gonna hit it with this hammer and hope it’s fine. Can it still like see me, or am I…?
Random
Yeah, I mean, it’s it… Pretend that it’s like earth fisted. Because that’s, that’s what it’s experiencing. So you know, grappled by a hand made of the ground and pinned.
Tyler
Okay, so is it restrained? Like…?
Random
I think that’s what he’s saying
Tyler
I’m fishing for ways to get advantage, basically.
Random
I think that’s what Randall’s giving me is restrained.
Randall
I’m going to give restrained, but I’m actually going to say not with advantage. We’re just going to call it an even roll. Because it would have advantage due to the restrained, because of the displacer it would have had disadvantage. Call it even and we’ll have a roll.
Tyler
Cool. All right. Straight roll. Let’s do it. Well, 8. Total.
Randall
Yeah. 18 you said?
Tyler
8. Eeeeiiigght.
Randall
Oh! Okay. Do you? You don’t have a maneuver for this?
Tyler
You know, it feels silly using it at this point.
Random
No, It doesn’t.
Randall
I won’t. I’m not gonna hold you.
Random
Hit it! Alright, come on, hit it like you mean it!
Tyler
All right. We’ll use precision attack and I roll a d8. I got a 2, so it’s a 10.
Randall
Okay. That was a bad idea. I don’t even want to rolled that.\
Random
Disappointed.
Randall
I feel like you basically wasted a maneuver on this.
Tyler
Well. That’s fine. I’ve got several more.
Randall
Okay.
Tyler
That went fine, I think.
Randall
I think it is now it is now the creatures turn.
Random
Here’s the fun thing. So you do have a way to break out of this spell. You don’t get to retry the save. You have to make an intelligence (investigation) check against my spell DC.
Randall
Yeah.
Random
Good luck!
Randall
And your DC was 14. You said it starts with a minus two, as I’ve already given up the ghost on. There’s a, I do want to say there’s a little bit interesting about this spell that the creature is supposed to honor it completely and believe and even rationalize irrational things that are happening due to the spell.
Random
Yep.
Randall
But also has the wherewithal to be like… Yeah, okay. And that’s what’s gonna happen because that’s what the mechanics say. Fails. So that’s it. That’s round one. You have nine more rounds this last one minute.
Random
Yep. It’s actually technically speaking concentration up to a minute, but I am tracking on my d10. Round one.
Randall
I appreciate that. Thank you. All right, I have some great news for everyone. Seeing that the cat is on its back and freaking out. The giant snail pokes his head out. The giant snail sneaks a little closer, a little closer, and then all of a sudden slams into the cat on the ground.
Random
Wonderful.
Randall
Gets a critical strike.
Tyler
Whoa!
Random
Oh, no.
Randall
Let’s see how this goes.
Random
Much shorter than you might have imagined.
Randall
Okay, and deals an amount of damage. I don’t know if sticky damage is a type, but anyway. All right.
Tyler
There’s custard damage. It exists.
Randall
That’s fair. Okay. Jack, it’s back to you.
Random
A cool thing that is perhaps a bit confusing. You can maintain concentration on a spell and cast other spells because this is not 3.x. So yes, I will maintain concentration on the phantasmal force. I will deal with a another six points of psychic damage. And then I will say “you can’t even tell what’s real and what’s not. That just makes you the dumbest cat I’ve ever seen” and ask it for another wisdom save.
Randall
A 12.
Random
That’s not a 14. Take another point of psychic damage. Aha!
Randall
That’s rough.
Random
d4’s, man. And that’s me.
Randall
All right. Gerog, what do you what do you want to do about it?
Tyler
Hammertime continues. Boy, 22!
Randall
I think that that hits.
Tyler
I think I got it this time, guys.
Randall
Have you considered using a maneuver on this one?
Tyler
I don’t have… Let’s see. So…
Randall
Nah, just make that roll a little better. That’s all I’m…
Tyler
Just, what if my attack bonus was higher?
Randall
Okay, keep going.
Tyler
Alright, damage. 8. I can make it frightened of me, which will… Probably not worth the effort at this point.
Random
No, dude, are you kidding?
Tyler
That’s true.
Random
It has to make skill checks to break by spell.
Tyler
Okay. Yeah, it only lasts one round, though. So, like, is it worth the maneuver? Yeah, let’s find one of my d6’s, which, fun fact: if you have, if you have superiority dice from the fighting style superior technique, and from the Martial Sdept, they’re not always as big as your regular dice. So I’m just going to use one of my d6’s. Roll that. Technically, you don’t even have to roll it just makes a wisdom save DC 12.
Randall
Okay. It fails. Whatever, whatever the DC was.
Tyler
It’s excellent. And apparently I do actually have to roll it because it gets added to the damage. So five more damage. Total of 13.
Randall
Okay, this cat’s looking real bad.
Tyler
And also scared.
Randall
Also scared. It is a scaredy cat. Keep going.
Tyler
That’s it for me.
Randall
It is now the the snails turn again. And the snail is once again going to basically just you know shell slam. And that is a hit. OK, you have no idea how close we are to me saying “what does it look like when a snail kills your enemy?” But anyway.
Random
Wonderful.
Randall
Jack, your turn.
Random
As much as I would love for it to be my turn. I’m reasonably certain it’s the cat’s turn.
Randall
Oh, yeah, actually, you’re 100% right. My bad. I just assumed he’s a failure.
Random
Well, so And here’s here’s why I wanted to call this out. Because it is afraid of Georg and it can see Georg it has disadvantage on skill checks. Like the investigation check it has to make to break out of my spell.
Randall
Okay, that was the one where it also had a penalty to roll.
Random
Yes,
Randall
Yeah, okay.
Random
Yeah, so you’re trying to hit a DC 14 with disadvantage with a minus two to your roll. It’s fine. It’s…
Tyler
You can do it.
Random
You could do it.
Randall
He didn’t do it.
Random
Spoilers.
Randall
Like I said a second ago. Jack, it’s your turn.
Random
The earthen fist that only the cat can see will squeeze for three points of psychic damage.
Randall
Yeah, okay, that’s a that’s real.
Random
It is to it. So you’re saying it looks pretty badly beat up.
Randall
it is having the worst day of its life.
Random
Superb. In that case, I’m gonna switch from the kind of aggressive melody that I’ve been playing on the lute, and just do like a few real light picks. Kind of trailing off.
Randall
Does it sound like my cat has fleas?
Random
Exactly. Well, no what it what it sounds like is I’m going to find a way to place a 20 foot circle, so that it only covers the cat. Because we’re theater of the mind right now, I’m just gonna have to pretend that I, you know, can can make that work. I am going to roll my d8 five times
Tyler
As we nuking the cat?
Random
No, I’m putting it to sleep.
Tyler
Oh!
Random
6. 10. 13. 21! There we go. Does it have 21 hit points or less?
Randall
It do.
Random
It falls asleep.
Randall
Okay, now let’s make it clear for everyone at home. You’re casting sleep and what gives you the right to roll 5d8 and some of the stuff?
Random
That is the description of it. This spell sends creatures into a magical slumber. Roll 5d8, the total is how many hit points of creatures this spell can affect.
Randall
Okay, and what level spells that?
Random
A first level spell. If you upcast it, you get to do two additional d8 per level. And sleep doesn’t have a safe because basically it’s just it’s sort of a save-or-suck on its own. Because if you hit the hit point total, things fall asleep. If you don’t hit the hit point total, your spell doesn’t do anything yet.
Randall
Nothing happens. It’s like power word kill, but kinder.
Random
But level one. Yeah, it’s great. Okay, so yeah, so I strum a little melody. And when I see that the cat has stopped thrashing against the invisible hand. I will release concentration on that invisible hand.
Randall
Okay, you do it and the cat is asleep. How long will it be asleep for ?
Random
A minute.
Randall
A minute. Okay. Bold move. You do that and as you do it, to halflings hop out of the tree near where the snail was previously being beaten.
Random
Hi, I’m surprised I didn’t see you earlier. I’m usually very observant. My name is Jack. This is my brother Georg.
Tyler
I wave politely.
Randall
Yeah, so one of them immediately runs to the snail and start to, like, touch cracks in the shell. And it’s like really attending to this nail. The other looks at the crystal ball in his hand and looks up at you folks and looks back at the crystal ball. And it looks up at you folks.
Halfling 1
It… it worked! It worked! It’s the village people!
All
Y M C A
Randall
The the other pulls off glasses and like starts cleaning the glasses and puts glasses back on.
Halfling 2
I love you guys. Boss and the Mistress have been watching you folks for years. You’ve got to come back to the workshop with us.
Tyler
Should we, uh… should I hammer the cat?
Halfling 1
It’s, it’s not dead?
Random
No, it’s It’s just asleep. I I try and make a habit of…
Randall
The two halflings have immediately just hop back in the tree. Like, they’re out. They’re done.
Tyler
Um, I’ll two-hand hammer the cat.
Randall
Okay, so I think you roll that with Advantage? Or is it an automatic hit?
Random
It’s an automatic crit because it’s, if you, if you make an attack on a sleeping subject.
Tyler
If you hit it’s an automatic crit. I rolled a… I rolled a one.
Random
Yeah.
Randall
It’s a displacer beast though, so it makes sense.
Random
Here’s the good news. That means you miss which means you don’t do damage, which means it’s still asleep for a minute.
Randall
So, well, for 54 seconds now because it takes him six seconds to pick his hammer back up.
Random
That’s true.
Randall
Okay. Do you want to try again, Sir?
Tyler
Yes, please. Okay, 17?
Randall
That hits.
Tyler
Okay. So I will roll my dice twice. 9. 11 damage total.
Random
Now, maneuvers.
Tyler
It’s… so maneuvers specifically say that it’s “extra damage,” which means that does get multiplied on a crit.
Random
Okay, yeah.
Randall
Yeah, so, to be clear, it’s a dead cat. I’m gonna cut you off. I’m not gonna let you use any maneuvers on the sleeping cat in front of you.
Tyler
Alright. I executed a helpless animal.
Randall
So you hear “aw… oh, well, anyway.” You you hear from the trees, like
Halfling 1
Is it dead yet?
Tyler
Yeah. I think I got it.
Halfling 1
Good news!
Randall
And they, they hop out and they come back down. It’s like,
Halfling 1
yeah, no, you you’ve got to come. You gotta come to the workshop with us. It’s gonna be great!
Randall
And I’m now going to declare, so I want to use something we talked about in the show. We’re gonna travel. And while we travel, I want to constrain that we’re going to do a solid, three minutes of RP.
Random
Perfect.
Randall
And as opposed to just implicitly doing it, I’m explicitly doing it. Because we talked about that it’s a good idea. Let’s see how it goes. And now…
Random
Okay, first off, I introduced myself, Who am I speaking to?
Halfling 1
Oh, that’s a great question. I’m Grandpa Notoni. And this is my good friend, Bush de Noelle.
Tyler
Okay. You want to… you want to spell those for me?
Random
Are you serious? It’s, it’s tow Christmas.,like ,desserts.
Tyler
Oh!
Random
Grand Panattoni and Bush de Noel. I’m…
Randall
That is correct. So Panatone is, it’s like an Italian preserved cake. It’s aged. It’s aged cake. It’s delicious. We have a couple that we hang out with who are Italian. They promised me… Okay, so let me take a step back. We’re gonna do this live. In a pantone contest in Italy, there’s a company that took second place in the panatone contest, which is pretty good I would say. They have committed. They’re going to Italy next week. When they come back over the holidays, they’re bringing me back a panatone from that company.
All
Cool.
Randall
And because it’s panatone, a month from now, it’ll still be good.
Random
Okay, I will respond. That seems fascinating. And I have to say, your doughy cute little faces just fill me with joy.
Halfling 1
Thank you.
Tyler
Anyone else hungry? Anyone?
Random
No, no, Italy. You said that we’re village people. And it seems like you’ve been watching us.
Halfling 1
Yeah. You’re the people from the village when the demons and the devils. Yeah, no, we were, we were totally ah, we had so many popcorns that day. It was fantastic!
Random
Why? I mean, don’t get me wrong. I am magnificent. But there’s many beings for you to have been watching particularly if you’re bothering to look across the veil
Halfling 1
And we watch so many of them!
Randall
So at this point, they they take the crys– er Bush Noelle takes the the crystal ball that he was looking in and puts it into a leather satchel attached to the side of the snail. And when this happens you notice there’s actually, you know, 10s, maybe even hundreds of crystal balls in this satchel and it’s like
Halfling 1
Ah! We do we watch them we use we use the balls.
Random
Oh, is this entertainment for you? Is there some purpose?
Halfling 1
No, no, no, no, no, no this is this is of course for purpose. We we watch the special children to keep our lists updated on who’s naughty and who’s nice. And every year on the solstice we can use the crystal ball to visit the children and the nice children they get they get these special toys.
Tyler
Georg has a very visible, like, just realized that Santa Claus is real moment. Guys, are we going to meet the solstice giant?
Halfling 1
Yeah, Klaus. He’s back at the workshop. We should go. He probably needs to talk to you, I think.
Random
Klaus. Yes, this this sounds fascinating. Also. Why a snail?
Halfling 1
It’s difficult–
Tyler
Don’t question the solstice giant you’ll end up on the naughty list.
Halfling 2
Oh yeah, you wouldn’t want to be on the naughty list. You don’t… you don’t want to know what those kids get.
Randall
So Bush says this and grandpa Notoni let’s that hang for a second. Then he’s like ‘
Halfling 2
bludgeoning damage
Random
Imagining that, you know, giant dropping down a chimney into a People’s Elbow on a kid.
Randall
It’s basically just like that.
Halfling 1
No, yeah, we use… Shelley Shelley here has been with us for decades and she’s wonderful, asd I’ll hear nothing of it.
Randall
You you talk a little bit and you find out some of this information, you realize you’ve been moving closer and closer to a mountain range. And finally you arrive at what can only be described as a keep carved into the living stone of the mountain. It’s well lit and there are creatures walking along
Random
What kind of creatures?
Randall
You see many more halflings
Tyler
Now what are the size of the doors here? Is this like a… they’regiant sized doors and halflings are using them? Or is this like a giant sized door and also there’s like halfling sized doors in the doors? Like what’s the what’s the mode of entry here?
Randall
We’re gonna have to go with a latter. It’s definitely the latter.
Tyler
Wonderful.
Randall
So as you approach you hear a booming voice call out “who goes there?” And and Grandpa Notoni like steps toward
Halfling 1
It is I, Grandpa Notoni, along with Bushed de Noelle. We brought the village people!
Randall
You hear a voice in the background go. “I love those guys. Open the gates. It’s the Village People. Let’s get them clean. Get them a good meal.”
Random
No!
Tyler
What?
Random
Seriously? Have you ever listened to YMCA?
Tyler
Yes I have.
Random
I wonder if I allow myself to be taken along and called “young man.”
Randall
So do you, do you go through the gates do you enter?
Tyler
Yes.
Random
Absolutely. Wonderful.
Randall
So you’re pretty quickly brought into halls. You see various automatons. You see glass baubles, wooden baubles, bone baubles. Wooden toys, lining shelves. Grandpa Notoni notices you eyeing these things. Halflings seem to be running in all directions, like, putting down toys, replacing toys along the walls, but you kind of have this general impression that despite all the effort being expended, there really isn’t a lot of work actually happening. It’s just chaos. Grandpa leans in, he says,
Halfling 1
Time, time passes differently here. We usually get the toys out to the children over the next two weeks. Once we talked to Klaus, I expect we’ll be able to get right on with it.
Tyler
Great. Do we get to, do we get to be Klaus now? Like, right now?
Halfling 1
Yeah, there’s
Tyler
Can we do it now?
Halfling 1
There’s there’s a meeting. There’s a meeting in the meeting room where we have our meetings and we’re gonna go to the meeting.
Random
I look forward to meeting Klaus.
Halfling 1
Yes, we will meet in the meeting room.
Randall
Okay. So he brings you into a room and you notice there’s lots and lots of halflings. Like, a sea of halflings in front of you and you’re kind of trapped at the back. There’s a, what appears to be a meeting table at the center of it in the meeting room. A halfling stands on top of the table addressing the others.
Halfling 1
Let’s have a well timed recap.
Random
Perfect.
Halfling 1
We were attacked. They appeared to be coming for the Looking Glasses, perhaps for nefarious purposes. Perhaps because they too have a love and a passion for making kids happy.
Randall
You hear someone call from the back “and bludgeoning damage!”
Halfling 1
Yes of course, bludgeoning. Klaus managed to feed one of the displacer beasts a cornish hen stuffed with a target. He gave instructions before he pursued that if he wasn’t back in an hour to wait another 30 minutes. But then if he wasn’t back in 30 minutes, maybe you give them a few more. Well, team, it’s been a bit over an hour and a half and Klaus has not returned.
Randall
And you hear somebody call from the back “what are we gonna do?”
Halfling 1
I don’t know I’m not in charge. I was just the one standing on this table. When you all came in!
Randall
The entire room goes into a panic, like these halflings are just like literally like, they turn one direction they bump the one they turn the other direction they bump it on the other just…. it’s terrible.
Tyler
Hey, okay, I’m going to use one of my maneuvers. This, this is gonna sound surprising for people who haven’t spent enough time reading Tasha’s, but I’m going to use commanding presence, which lets me add a maneuver die to a charisma intimidation performance or persuasion check. I’m going to use intimidation. So I’m going to roll a d20 plus a d8. So I got a an 18 to intimidate. I just jump up on the table and just just shout “AH. QUIET.”
Randall
All of them. Absolutely quiet. Just everybody is staring at you now. And you hear a quiet voice in the back. “I love those guys.”
Random
I will jump up next to Georg. Please excuse my brother’s methods. Although I will have to admit that this time they were quite effective. You seem to have lost your Klaus.
Halfling 1
Yeah.
Random
my name is Jack. This is my brother Georg. We will track him down. If you point us in the direction we will return your giant to you.
Randall
That’s great. So there’s kind of like a rustling is the only way I could describe it but kind of a Red Sea parts and a particular halfling comes up holding a crystal ball. And he says
Halfling 1
okay, we know that klaus followed the target. So all you have to do is just, uh, well, you’ll you’ll look into the crystal ball and then kind of, kind of lean in. You know? Just lean into it. And then you’ll figure the rest out.
Tyler
Do we have time for a short rest real quick?
Randall
Ah, yeah. Hey, let’s uh, let’s get them a good meal.
Tyler
Yeah!
Randall
You know, cornish game hymns come in front of you. Pickled pears because people were into that for some reason. There’s an entire dish of yams covered with sugar covered with marshmallows. Nobody knows why this counts as a vegetable, but it does. And so that’s in front of you. There’s there’s like a jello marshmallow paste, which again, is part of the main meal and nobody really unserstands why all these things are made available to you. Also a pheasant.
Tyler
Well, this is great. I’ve been abusing the food rules and haven’t eaten in several weeks. I’m gonna reset the timer now.
Randall
Good news. Okay, so you folks successfully take a short rest. During a short rest, do you, do you engage at all? Is there anything you want to know more about?
Tyler
Just I ask dumb questions about Klaus. Just the dumbest questions. How tall is he? How does he fit down chimneys if he’s so tall?
Halfling 1
I mean, he’s he’s he’s tall like you’re tall. But maybe taller. I don’t know. You all, y’all look really tall to me. That that’s all I’m… What’s this business about chimneys? We already explained to you. We use the crystal balls and boop! Because, Oh, so maybe this is important. So the crystal ball, like, we can watch all the time, right? All the time.
Tyler
That’s weird, but cool.
Halfling 1
But what we can only we can only visit on winter solstice.
Random
Oh.
Halfling 1
So that’s the reason we bring the presents, because like we accumulate all this time we’re like, okay, you’re doing good. You’re doing good. And luckily, because I mean ever, you know, the Fey… in the Fey, the time. Time’s weird, right? Time’s really strange compared to the material plane. So sure, it’s a night there. But we can actually, we can basically cover the entire plane in two weeks, we got enough, you know, halfling power here. We can we can totally take care of it.
Random
And now how is it that you, you managed to turn that around and bring us here?
Halfling 1
That’s a that’s that’s a good question. There was a risk was a lot of risk. There was a lot of risk for you. And we’re glad you’re here. We really are.
Random
That person having answered the question just kind of flees the room. Leaves? Yeah, perfect.
Tyler
So reassured.
Random
All right. After after a little bit when there’s kind of a lull. We’ve eaten whatever, I’ll just start kind of idly playing with the the bone charm on my neck and pull it out.
Halfling 1
Oh, it’s Hey, it’s your target.
Random
My what
Halfling 1
Your target. No, that’s…
Randall
so at this point. Grandpa’s doing you and grandpa starts like digging through the satchel they took off the snail. Finds a particular crystal ball. And when you look in the crystal ball, you get this like eerie vertigo feeling because you’re actually looking from the thing around your neck.
Tyler
Wait. I have very Spaceballs moments, looking at the monitor looking over my shoulder. Looking at the thing.
Randall
When is now?
Random
Soon. But I’ll just like just turn and look at grandpa. This is how you watch this? This is my name.
Halfling 1
Yeah, no, absolutely. Klaus and the Mistress, especially they love to stare at you. I don’t know. I mean, it just so happens so you’ve done a lot of really cool stuff. So at this point, it’s kind of become a thing. We enjoy. We like to, we… Jack, we know a lot about you.
Random
You described Klaus and the mistress as giants.
Halfling 1
No, no, the mistress isn’t a giant. Klaus is a giant. But, you know, I say best not to dwell on it. I am measuring time and I feel like you’re pretty well short rested.
Random
Yeah, let Yes, let’s let’s track down Klaus.
Halfling 1
Okay. All right, I gotta go bye!
Randall
And then at this point, grandpa’s like fleeing the room. I don’t want to answer uncomfortable questions.
Random
I’ll just sort of like distractedly pass the first orb we got over to Georg. Brother, you you need to pull that one out so that you can fall in and then we can
Tyler
Oh. Oh, the first one. I was thinking the second one that was watching us. Yeah, that makes sense. Yeah, I’ll hold it up and look into it very intently.
Random
Okay, put a hand on a shoulder.
Randall
Roll me and arcana check, Georg the Fighter.
Tyler
Oh, no. 6.
Randall
You’re staring into it and you you tried to do is described to you of, like, falling into it. And you basically just go like *thump* crystal ball against… Okay, I’m gonna suggest that you hand it to your brother and let’s see how this goes.
Tyler
This feels right. Very on brand for Georg
Random
One of these days we’ll teach you something. And I’ll look at it. Get a, I mean, does it like can I see a being on the other side of it.
Randall
You see snow and you see bits of something but it’s kind of hard. It’s almost like a cloak has been shredded across the ground.
Random
I’ll concentrate real hard on that cloak. Try and, like, do what I remember cold fabric to feel like and try and fall into it.
Randall
Roll me that are Arcana check.
Random
I’m only very slightly better than Georg at arcana. I am very convincing and not very smart. But… 12?
Randall
Okay, so you managed to fall through, and I’m going to hold for a minute. I’m not going to describe what you experience. The crystal ball, like, Looney Tunes it for a second. Just kind of hangs in the air for a moment. Georg it what do you do?
Tyler
I, like, cartoon style, try and dive into it like a pool.
Randall
Okay, brilliant. Well, it’s floating in midair. Nothing could go wrong here. I am going to let you roll an Arcana check with advantage. Okay, because you’ve just seen that thing successful used
Tyler
16 and 15.
Randall
Brilliant. That’s great. Okay, so your your Scooby Doo dive totally pays off. You basically swan dive into it, and you land prone in the snow. So let me describe to you what you see. You feel the same receding feeling that you felt as you were pulled into the Feywild, you find yourself once again in the snow outside with the same moon hovering overhead. You’re surrounded by what you suspect maybe bits of Displacer Beast. The light next to you has an eerie reflection. Not of the moon ann the stars, but of a bright sun and puffy white clouds hanging in a perfect blue sky. You hear a voice from behind you. Hey, can one of you twos come untie me? I ain’t got no opposable thumbs. It makes the ropes real hard. Your turn around to see a reindeer.
Tyler
What an adventure we’ve been on!
Random
Wonderful.
Randall
You notice it seems quite larger than any reindeer you’ve ever seen. It stands at least eight foot tall at the head. But its most remarkable feature is its bright nose casting light for at least 30 feet in every direction.
Tyler
I just marvel at it for slightly too long.
Random
I’m going to start walking over. As I do, are there multiple sets of ropes binding it?
Randall
It’s it’s like one rope wrapped around the neck. But also the head. Actually, I’m going to ask for a couple of things, right quick. I am going to ask for a perception check.
Random
Oh boy, I’m gonna fall back to my passive of 15.
Tyler
I’m also gonna fall back to his passive.
Randall
Perfect. Okay, cool. The other thing that I’m going to ask for is I am going to ask for a insight check.
Tyler
Okay. Oh god.
Random
I will give you another total 15.
Randall
Another total 15 Georg, I’m curious
Tyler
4?
Randall
Oh, okay. Well. Alright. Georg, you notice nothing and you feel nothing in the lake is beautiful. And you wonder about those clouds.
Tyler
That feels right.
Randall
Also the renders pretty cool, very exciting. Jack, you… a few things strike you all at once. One is that you notice the back of a big red sled further in the woods. The…
Tyler
*sneezes*
Randall
Bless you, Georg. You also feel like the voice… you got the creeps a little bit. Like, you know this “hey, can you please come untie me.” Like, it’s a little weird. You’re not so sure about these things. What do you want to do?
Random
As I’m wandering over, I’ll just ask. Hey, so how’d you end u[ tied up like this? Who did this to you?
Randall
This this lady. She looks like, I don’t know. It’s like the Grinch’s ma or something. You know, big green. Okay. She stuffed Klaus in a sack and then jumped in the water. I think, I think we got to go after them. So come on. Let’s get this rope off. I think we can save him. Because they ain’t got no gills. I don’t know how long is gonna do down there?
Random
Does he sound like he’s telling the truth to me?
Randall
I see you rolling your die.
Random
I start, you know. I’m assuming you’re gonna ask me for an insight check.
Randall
Yeah, no, that’s right.
Random
19
Randall
Something. The truth. Like, you feel like it’s the truth. But also something just feels weird. Yeah, it just doesn’t feel right.
Tyler
Can I make a history check? Is having a red nosed reindeer part of the solstice giant mythology? I got an 8.
Randall
You’re pretty sure you remember this.
Random
Nailed it.
Randall
Let’s, look,lLet’s say “Yes.”
Tyler
Cool.
Randall
I’ll say… oh, boy. So are you approaching to untie this reindeer?
Random
I was. I’ll say “Georg, mind the reindeer for a moment. Would you?” and I’ll start walking towards that sleigh that you mentioned.
Randall
Hey, hey what are you doin’? I’m over here.
Random
Yeah, my my brother is much stronger than I am. Don’t worry. You’re in… hands.
Randall
But you need some dexterity to do the knots. She seemed like a boy scout. I think she’s got some real tough stuff over here.
Random
Great. Yeah, we’ll we’ll deal with that in a second. And I’ll just keep plugging.
Randall
Okay. All of a sudden, all of a sudden, the reindeer bursts free. Is no longer tied and begins to trot towards the the sleigh. Right as as the reindeer approaches the sleigh, the facade of a reindeer disappears. And you see a green woman like figure, do like a standing handspring into the back of the sled, and then yell, “Yah! Yah!”
Tyler
Is there anything pulling the sled?
Randall
From your initial standpoint, you couldn’t tell. But all of a sudden, you see a pack of reindeer take to the air with a sled following behind it. Now the reindeer are in flight. And the sled is in flight. And the Green Lady is also in flight.
Tyler
Oh, crud. Okay, I’m going to think quickly I’m going to switch on my winged boots. And I’m going to scoop Jack and just fly after it as fast as I can.
Randall
You hear a voice from down below. Hey. Hey, Is anybody out there? What yet? Yes. Can you can you untie me? Wait a minute.
Random
I’ll look around and see if, like, is that voice?
Randall
Yeah, with your passive perception, you see another reindeer in front of where the slide was tied up. And this one appears to have a bag over its head.
Random
Okay, Georg, I think that’s the one we need to help.
Tyler
Okay, I’ll I’ll about face which is very unsettling because we’re upside down so it’s like… then just plummet straight towards the ground face first. And then stop. And then just drop Jack.
Randall
Brilliant.
Tyler
Another happy landing.
Randall
Yeah. So there’s there’s a reindeer with the bag over its head and huge antlers, so, like, it’s a big bag. What do you do?
Random
I will pull out my rapier and just kind of skillfully do a few quick cuts through the cloth to uncover its face.
Randall
Bright red nose. 30 foot of light. Ooh, am I glad to see you guys. Yeah, there’s this like green hag lady. Knocked, knocked Klaus out. Stuck on the back of the sled, which parked it, oh god, where’s the sled?
Random
It flew away.
Randall
Okay. All right. No talking. You with the legs and the look like my legs. Hop. Hop on. I’m gonna give you a ride. You upside down vampire man. You do you. Let’s go.
Tyler
I chase the flying reindeer, I guess.
Random
Perfect.
Randall
So, fortunate for us. If you had to estimate, you know, kind of lick the thumb. Stick it in the air. It seems like this sled is only traveling at like 15 feet per six seconds. That’s a weird unit of distance to use. But I think you follow me. So I think I think you’re gonna be able to close just fine. Jack, you’re you’re on the back of this reindeer.
Random
Indeed.
Randall
Now let’s go and cut to the chase. Oh, yeah. I’m Rudolph who’s you’s two guys.
Random
My name is Jack. This is my brother. Georg.
Tyler
Hello.
Randall
All right, well, uh, so we’re going to be doing some mounted combat, which is the thing that I think that you talked about in the past? So maybe it should be pretty familiar.
Random
Wonderful.
Randall
I am what you call a large creature. So you’re gonna have to sit like either up on my shoulder or on like…
Tyler
Left rear hoof.
Randall
Yeah, no, I mean, that’s an option. You could do that. So I want you to be conscious of that as we do the fighting. Sounds good. I’m, I’m what you call an intelligent mount.
Random
It would seem so yes.
Randall
But we’re gonna use these house rules where I will do whatever you want as motion on your turn. But after your turn, I get to have some fun.
Random
I appreciate it.
Randall
All right. You know everything you need to know Let’s go catch the hag.
Random
Perfect.
Randall
All right. And with that weird bit of exposition from our, our, uh
Random
Our very gruff reindeer friend.
Randall
You, uh. We’re gonna roll for initiative.
Random
15.
Randall
That’s pretty good. I’m going to, uh…
Random
Bards are famously very good at initiative because, So, Jack of all Trades, the Bard ability where they get to add half their proficiency to anything they’re not already adding proficiency to as long as it’s an ability check. Well, initiative is, in fact, a dexterity ability check. So I get to add half my proficiency to it.
Tyler
And I rolled a 3.
Random
Nailed it.
Randall
I, you know, this doesn’t do any good for anybody sitting at home, but I’m going to go ahead and show, uh, that’s not going to show up. You you beat the hag. So..
Random
Delicious nat one.
Randall
Great news. Yeah, it literally couldn’t have been worse. All right, yeah. So Jack, you Where are you positioned on your reindeer friend.
Random
You know, I want to be as close as possible to this hag to get within range. So I’m going to be riding, gripping for dear life onto one antler in the top right hand corner.
Randall
You know, my right antler is shaped like a scoop. You can just sit in it.
Random
Perfect. I will be alladined by this reindeer.
Randall
A whole new world.
Random
Thank you. All right. Well, speaking of I know that we’re closing up on this, this hag. How far away are we?
Randall
You tell me how close you want to get before you start slinging stuff.
Random
Most of my cells have a 60-ish foot range. But for the one that I’m going to open with, it’s not 120. We’re gonna start there.
Randall
Okay, cool. And so then just to be clear, we’re gonna keep the initiative order as we have it. We’re starting at 120 foot out. The travel speed per turn is 15 for the sled, I think eg if you have 30, I’m going to tell you that you’re into your has 30. And then I think you’re flying. Yeah, is also 30.
Tyler
Beautiful.
Randall
And so we’ll we’ll use that as we go.
Tyler
Awesome. Okay.
Random
I’m going to pull the lute back out. And I’m going to strum something that’s just really kind of really enchanting. A really soothing, pleasant sound. I’m going to call up another bit of inspiration for cutting words. And I’m going to cast crown of madness.
Tyler
This will be fun.
Random
Targeting the hag. So, first off, this does inflict the charmed condition, so she’s going to roll it disadvantage. She’s also going to roll that d6 and subtract it from her save. So would you kindly make a wisdom save under the conditions I just described?
Randall
Okay, wait, why does she roll with disadvantage?
Random
So this is a capacity of the Doss Loot. Das loot says
Tyler
DOSS LOOT!t
Random
you can, you can play the instrument while casting a spell that causes any of its targets to be charmed on the field saving through thereby imposing disadvantage on the save. This effect only applies if the spell has a somatic or material component, which in this case, crown of madness, I’m reasonably certain has a somatic. Yep, it sure does.
Randall
Okay. All right. So roll with disadvantage, and then also roll a d6 and take that off. Okay, exactly. So let’s do the d6 first, because I feel like that sets the tone.
Random
Agreed.
Randall
I rolled a five.
Tyler
Great start.
Randall
It’s a big number, but in this case, it’s actually worse. And what kind of save Did you say we’re gonna make?
Random
A wisdom save.
Randall
Wisdom save. Okay. Well, alright. And with disadvantage. Okay, well, we’ve struck gold. The first role is a 5.
Random
Bueno.
Randall
So we’re done. Okay.
Random
Okay, so now, I’ll tell you more about what’s going to happen when we get to her turn. Carry on.
Randall
Okay. That’s ominous. Continue.
Random
Yes. And and then I will ask Rudolph to fly us 30 feet closer. And there we go.
Randall
All right. I’ll do it. Actually, so he’ll give you a dash. And so you are…
Random
60 feet closer.
Randall
Yeah, so you’re 90 feet away.
Random
We should be 60 feet away, because I had to be 120 for the spell
Randall
That’s what I said. Yeah, you’re 60 I was thinking 100 inches at 120 All right, we’re 60 feet away.
Random
Perfect. That’ll be me
Randall
Alright, Georg you are somehow next.
Tyler
Oh, well, seeing my friends speed off into the distance ahead of me. I have a brief moment where I realize, hm, if I had been riding on the Mount, I could have climbed off the mount still at half my move speed and then use dash and gotten really close to the the sleigh because that’s how movement and mounted combat work. But I wasn’t thinking that far ahead, so I’m just gonna dash and get 60 feet closer.
Randall
Yeah, Rudel turns his head back toward you is like Yeah, but you feel like a real idiot now, huh?
Tyler
Just give him a look. Most days. That’s it for me.
Randall
Okay, so you dash and now you’re in parallel?
Tyler
Yes.
Randall
Like do you do you want to get on now?
Tyler
I’m out of movement.
Randall
Oh, okay. So…
Tyler
I want to.
Randall
The magic of movement is that you can’t?
Tyler
Exactly. If only I had cunning action!
Randall
No, you’re upside down anyway. It would have been a really awkward. Okay.
Tyler
Yes.
Randall
Okay, it is now the hags turn so tell me. Tell me what things happen.
Random
Superb. They hag must use her action before moving to make a melee attack against a creature other than itself that I mentally choose. Now, I hope you’re gonna let me stretch “creature” here a little bit because I would like it to break the sled.
Randall
Alright. Okay, we can do this. All right. A DC 10 feels like a good thing that the sled should have as an inanimate object
Random
Yeah, an AC 10. Yeah, absolutely.
Randall
That’s what I said. That looks good. Wow, okay. She hits. And I’m gonna pick a number, I’m gonna say that this whole slide has like 20 health. Okay. Basically, the entire back of the sled gets like ripped off.
Tyler
Oh!
Randall
So the sled is still intact, but like you can clearly see kind of everything that’s happening in the back and the hag is kind of just, like, “ah!”. And all of a sudden, like, you know, you see a figure and the figure sits up like, “ho-ho-holy shit!”
Random
And, perfect. And does this look like a kind of large giant person?
Randall
Yeah, to your eyes it looks like a Goliath wearing velure.
Random
That’s wonderful. And my headcanon for Santa for the rest of my life. So there we go. That was her turn.
Randall
Does she also get a saving throw against?
Random
Yes, now, so she’s gonna get a another wisdom saving throw. It is frustratingly unclear in the Doss Lute if it implies disadvantage, if it applies the disadvantage to every time she makes the save against this spell. Question mark?
Randall
Right. I’m going to say “no” now and then we’re going to look harder and we’re going to agree to something later.
Random
Agreed.
Randall
Okay. Hey, good news. She failed. Didn’t matter.
Random
Lovely.
Randall
So we are back to Jack and Rudolph.
Random
Okay, super. So I would like to ask Rudolph to not just move, but get me very close. So a dash. Basically, I want to end up like 10 feet.
Randall
Okay. Okay. Yeah, you can do that.
Random
Great. Now, the first thing I’m going to do is actually use my bonus action. So at fourth level, I took the feat telekinetic.
Tyler
Nice!
Random
So I’m going to ask the hag for a strength save. Oh, actually, you know what, hold on. Let me… let me read unsettling words real quick. Creature, subtract for the next save… Okay? So I’m actually going to use my action to do unsettling words, which is normally a bonus action, but it’s, you know, I’m using it this. So once again, roll a d6, subtract that number from the strength save you’re about to make,
Randall
That’s a 6.
Tyler
Nice.
Random
Lovely. Now make a DC 14 strength save.
Randall
8 fails.
Random
Superb. I pull her five feet towards me, which now that the sleigh has no back, it presumably means into air.
Randall
Yeah, no, that’s right. And you are about… let’s see… about 150 feet in the air. So what’s fall damage per…?
Tyler
d10? d6 per 10 feet.
Randall
So that’s 15d6. We’re gonna go to the Google roll.
Random
At least that’s what it was in 3.x. If they’ve changed it for fifth, I don’t know.
Tyler
I think I’m pretty sure it’s d10s. Now. Oh, no.
Random
It’s d6’s.
Tyler
Okay, something else was d10’s.
Random
In the DM screen, it suggests like environmental damage and it suggested something is deadly. It’s like 3d10. But yeah, so 15d6. There we go.
Randall
Okay. 15d6. I have rolled it. I have applied it. Let’s describe the situation that we’re in. Klaus is in the open back of the sled. The reindeer are flying forward. Now that you’re closer, you can see the Klaus is kind of all tied up. The hag fell 150 feet through the air to the ground. But you now have Rudolph and Dancer and Prancer and Blitsen. You have Klaus!
Random
You see me just like concentrate on her for a second and pull. And then as she falls, I turn and say to Klaus, I apologize for your sleigh. But let’s get you home, sir.
Randall
Klaus notices who it is that has just done the rescuing and you kind of hear an under the breath, like, “I love these guys.” And yeah, do you do you help untie Klaus?
Random
I am. Oh, I guess I do. I mean, I’m out of action, but I have enough movement that I can. Oh, actually, you know what? So Rudolph has enough movement left to get me to the sleigh and then I can use my half of my movement to dismount into the sleigh. Now, I can’t do anything else as far as like starting to untie him, but I’ll certainly like, I will show my intent to undo his rope.
Randall
Okay. All right, well, here’s what I say. Let’s actually, for the moment, we’re gonna exit combat. Superb. You notice once you’re in the sled, that in the front row of the sled, there is another type of creature. It’s a satyr. Your presumption is that this is the mistress that everyone keeps talking about. And, you know, she sits up and it’s like, “Oh, Jack! thanks.” So do you… is the goal now you’re gonna guide everybody back to the workshop?
Random
Absolutely.
Randall
Okay, so you say back to the workshop and all the reindeer know what’s up, like, Rudolph iss like, Alright, let me get up front. Let’s make this thing happen. And you ultimately are able to return to Klaus’s workshop.
Tyler
And the hag was never seen again.
Random
150 feet of fall damage will do that to you.
Randall
Yeah, I’m gonna go and do a spoiler. Actually, the 150 feet of fall damage did not kill the hag.
Tyler
Called it.
Random
Highlighting yet another bizarre fallacy of dungeons of dragons. Like, yes, a fall from terminal velocity just won’t kill…
Tyler
Most things.
Random
I think you made an article at some point doing the math and it’s, like, an eighth level adventure on average will survive a terminal velocity fall.
Randall
Yeah, although in this case, right, like, she fell into soft snow. So there’s something for that.
Tyler
That’s true.
Random
There you go.
Randall
Probably the trees with a pretty flowers broker fall so that’s great.
Random
There you go.
Randall
Yeah. So yeah, to maybe to put a bow on this little adventure. You arrive back at the workshop, and Klaus says immediately it’s like, okay, problem solved. We got rid of her. What you learn is that hags are famously carnivorous, and the hag thought that magical balls that could bring you to food on the winter solstice would be a great thing to have in her possession. And so her and her displacer neast broke into the workshop and tried to steal them. And luckily, in the collected actions of everyone you’ve managed to foil this, yet again proving that the village people truly are heroes. You get to go with Klaus on his sleigh to deliver presents to all the good boys and girls. Also, bludgeoning damage.
Tyler
Yes!
Random
Georg particularly enjoys that part.
Randall
You you in particular got to go to your own orphanage, and mixed bag there. Some presents, some not. At one point when when you happen to be pummeling one of the little bad children, Thomas peeks his head up and looks, looks at the three of you, the Goliath Klaus, Georg, and Jack and immediately pretends to go back to sleep and having seen nothing. Because he knows what’s what. You go back and at the end of it all, you’ve covered the entire world delivering some amount of joy everywhere. Throughout throughout the plane. And finally, you get to talk and sit with the satyr mistress. And… I think that’s where we’re gonna end it.
Tyler
Ah, perfect cliffhanger.
Random
Beautiful. Perfect.
Randall
All right. All right, what’d you think?
Tyler
I think that’s a good place to leave it for a long hiatus.
Random
And also, that was a ton of fun, thank you!
Tyler
I am of course kidding about the hiatus. Don’t do that to me.
Randall
Which we’re gonna wait. You know, I think what’s the next holiday that we have coming up with any real meaning? uh…
Random
New Year’s.
Tyler
Oh, yeah. I’m kidding. I make that joke on Twitter every year. Like, like, the… New Year’s Eve. I say, “Well, folks, I’m taking the rest of the year off to spend time with my family.”
Randall
Brilliant.
Tyler
No one gets it. It’s never funny.
Randall
They get it. They just agree with the latter.
Random
Right.
Randall
No, way to, yeah, way to solve that combat. Like, a little bit behind the scenes. We did want to keep this to a reasonable time. And I think we’ve already kind of punched it. I’m looking at Producer Dan. Producer Dan has a face. I love you, producer Dan, and we thank you. I was like the first combat took long enough that when we got to the second combat, I’m like, Oh, God, this is gonna take forever. Brilliant, brilliant, brilliant, brilliant. Way to use your surroundings to your advantage. In particular, gravity. Who knew?
Random
Gravity. I, like, honestly, I mean, if you’ve if you’ve read my Artificer handbook, the armor Artificer handbook. I talk about telekinetic because honestly, it’s just, like, if you are a caster, it is one of the best feats that exists. It’s so good did it like even if it didn’t have bonus action push or pull whenever you wanted to, which is brilliant and good all the time. It also just gives you mage hand. Or if you already have mage hand, gives you 30 more feet of mage hand, which is the only feat that does anything like that. And also you’re mage hand’s invisible, because you’re telekinetic.
Randall
Nice. Nice. Hey, go. Alright,
Tyler
If that hadn’t worked I was just going to shove her out of the the wagon.
Random
Thank you.
Randall
Yeah, that’d be a great way to solve it. Alright folks, well, thank you for joining us for this special holiday RPGBOT.oneshot. We hope you enjoyed it. And yeah, looking forward to our next episode whenever we arrive at it. Thanks folks.
Random
I’m sorry, but like, angry Jersey Rudolph Clippy is the best.
Randall
Every time you see a reindeer now, that’s what’s gonna be in your head.
Tyler
That voice.
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